If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
