"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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