you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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