I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
