He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
