I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
