My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
