What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's never too late to be topless.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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