So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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