that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
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I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
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And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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