So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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