They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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