I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
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turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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