Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
