What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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