Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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