Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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