According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
