True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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