jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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