all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
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