I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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