i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
