she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
