There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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