Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
