Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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