grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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