his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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