32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
