i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
