The brown eye won't let me do that either.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Randomize
