I'm so fucking centered right now
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
