oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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