im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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