Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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