I cockslap morals
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
