After last night, I could never be a politician.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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