he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
