I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
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