Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
