i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
