I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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