That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
