i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
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