I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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