I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
