She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize