Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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