Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Randomize
