Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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