yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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