the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
