My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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