Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
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so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
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I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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