I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
