so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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