I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
