I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
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I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
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Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
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